Fun and Games
by Archaeopteryx Feather
Summary: G1. To pass the time, Starscream and Skywarp play a game of "army." Loudly. In public. To Thundercracker's dismay.


_This story is set in the middle of the war, before Starscream became Air Commander. I'm pretty sure Bill Watterson deservers credit here somewhere. ^.~_

* * *

A second missile screamed down and Vos gave a living shudder. Thundercracker heard a sort of whir as something flew through the air. Then a sharp metal ding and a yelp from Skywarp.

Skywarp rubbed his wing. "If I wanted to get filled with shrapnel, I could have stayed at the front. Let's go inside."

"They'd better get the missile shields back up soon," Starscream grumbled.

"Some furlough this is."

They sought refuge in a store that advertised itself as "Royalty Body Shells and Accessories." It was empty and smelled like a garage. There were body shells posed on pedestals about the room, mostly sporty looking vehicles, and several shelves full of modular guns and tools. From the ceiling hung elderly jets in flight.

Skywarp looked up and pointed. "Hey Screamer, that one looks perfect for you."

Starscream opened his mouth—and then the ceiling broke apart with a devastating _boom_. Sheets of metal shrieked as they tore apart in a cascade of popping bolts. The jets fell from the sky. Walls crumbled inward with a roar.

The next thing Thundercracker knew, he was sprawled out on the dented hood of a lime green car. He wiped the dust out his optics and looked around. Half the ceiling had disappeared, and two walls were open to the sky. A cascade of sparks illuminated the dim room.

Somewhere nearby, Skywarp groaned. "You guys okay?"

"I'm alright," said Thundercracker. He kicked off the shattered remains of a light panel and picked himself up.

"Screamer?" Skywarp asked. There was no response. "Great. Told you we should have just stayed at the front."

Thundercracker grabbed one of the fallen jets by the wing and began dragging it off to the side. Skywarp began tugging at a reinforcement beam.

"Found him!" Skwarp said, pointing to something on his side of the mess. Thundercracker scrabbled over and saw two chalky blue feet protruding from a pile of rubble. He could hear a faint groan from beneath the pile.

"Hold on, Screamer—we're getting you out," Thundercracker said. "Here, help me with this piece, Skywarp."

Together they lifted off a sheet of metal and tossed it to the side. Underneath was the dusty figure of Starscream. The Seeker sat up, looking dazed. He drew a hand over his optics and stared as if trying to focus on something in the distance.

"You okay?" Thundercracker asked.

"Yeah," Starscream said. He rubbed his head. Thundercracker grimaced; a corner was crumpled in.

"You sure? That looks nasty."

"I feel fine." Starscream grinned suddenly. "Hey, let's go outside and watch the missiles hit."

"I think we'd better go deeper down where it's safe," Thundercracker said.

"I'm going to go watch the missiles." Starscream stood up shakily and tottered outside. Thundercracker followed.

"What for?" he asked.

"It's pretty. And they make a big noise."

Thundercracker exchanged a look with Skywarp. The black Seeker called,

"Hey, Screamer—how 'bout transmitting us your diagnostic?"

"Nah, I don't want to go a medic. It's so boring," Starscream said.

"So there's something wrong then?" Skywarp pressed.

Starscream hesitated for a moment, then said, "No, I just don't want to. Shh! Here one comes."

A missile shrieked into the industrial district. There was a blinding flash of light; a second later a thunderous _boom_ shattered the air. Starscream gave a squeal and clapped furiously.

"More, more!"

"Starscream, please, your diagnostics," Thundercracker groaned.

Starscream shook his head, watching eagerly. "I've got an idea! Let's chase them!"

"Aaaaand, he's lost it," Skywarp said.

"Great. And I bet all the medcenters are jammed," Thundercracker said. He rubbed his optics and sighed. Why did his furloughs always end up ruined by some weird incident? Couldn't his wingmates keep out of trouble just once?

"I'm not going to a medcenter," Starscream protested. "Never. No!"

"We're not going to the medcenter," Skywarp said soothingly. "We're going to go chase missiles. But in a place where it's even more fun. They'll be bigger and louder than these puny ones."

"Really?"

Skywarp smiled guilelessly. "Really! C'mon, I'll show you."

* * *

The medcenter had a two mile waiting line for "noncritical injuries." Thundercracker leaned back against the dingy wall and moaned.

"This isn't a missile place, it's a hallway," Starscream whined. "You lied!"

"We'll get there soon," Skywarp promised. "This is just the...check in place to get there. Only the coolest people get to chase the really big missiles. They have to make sure you're okay."

The people in line were giving them odd looks. Thundercracker tapped his processor significantly. A few sympathic nods answered him and everyone went back to waiting.

"I'm going back up to the surface," Starscream said. "This is no fun." He turned towards the door and made to leave, but Thundercracker caught him by the arm. They were _not_ losing their place in line.

"Why don't you shut down and get some rest?" Thundercracker suggested. "We'll wake you when it's time to chase missiles."

"I don't want to shut down. I want to go play outside. Let go of me!"

"Hey Screamer, let's play a game," Skywarp said.

Thundercracker looked gratefully at his wingmate, who had crouched down on the floor. Skywarp was spreading out tiny briefing models representative of triads, squadrons, and wings. Starscream hunkered down next to him, eyeing the models curiously.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Army," Skywarp said. "We'll divide up the pieces and fight each other."

Starscream thought for a moment. Then he collected all the wing and squadron pieces.

"Okay. This is my army. You can have the rest." He pushed a tiny pile of triad pieces towards Skywarp.

Thundercracker suppressed a smile. "I'd say Starscream's army has a numerical advantage."

"My army is bigger _and_ better than his," Starscream bragged.

"But mine has a better commander," Skywarp said.

Starscream fixed him with a withering look. "No, mine does. And it's better trained, and has cooler weapons. And, all of my guys can turn invisible. But yours can't."

Skywarp was not to be outdone. "But look, mine can teleport," he said, jerking a triad piece around. "Now they're teleporting behind your lines and flanking your army."

"No they're not!" Starscream yelled.

The words echoed around the room, and curious faces turned to look at them. Thundercracker examined the ground.

Starscream grabbed for Skywarp's triad piece and tried to thrust it away from him, but the black Seeker used it to knock Starscream's pieces around.

"Now my army is clobbering yours big time."

"You can't do that! My army is invisible!" Starscream cried, smashing Skywarp's pieces across the floor.

"Ooh, I'm kicking your skidplate," Skywarp laughed. "I'm winning, I'm winning!"

"No you're not!" Starscream shouted. He punched Skywarp in the face.

Skywarp jerked back. "Ow! You idiot! That was _not_ part of the game." He clutched his dented nose.

"You were cheating," Starscream said. "You broke the rules."

"What rules? We're playing war here. There are no rules."

"My army was invisible. You couldn't see them, so you couldn't hurt them. Also, my army can teleport too. But better than yours."

Still clutching his nose, Skywarp burst into painful laughter. Thundercracker rubbed his cheeks and tried not to react. Starscream scowled.

"You play fair from now on or else." He gathered up his pieces and set them in order, then thrust Skywarp's army back to him. "And there's a new rule. Your army can't fly."

"Why not?"

"Because you're the Autobots."

"But my soldiers have wings," Skywarp said, holding up his triad piece.

"They're not real wings," Starscream said. "They're only fake ones made to trick the enemy into thinking they can fly."

"How original."

"Let's play," Starscream growled.

"Maybe you could play a little more quietly this time," Thundercracker suggested.

"We'll keep it down," Skywarp said.

The two armies approached. Starscream lifted a wing piece into the air and swooped down on Skywarp's troops making 'ptew' 'ptew' 'ptew' noises. Skywarp jumped his pieces back and forth.

"Ha ha, I'm dodging! Now I'm firing back! I hit you! Haha, you're going down!"

"No I'm not, you missed!" Starscream said. "Ptew! Ptew! A direct hit! You're dead!" Starscream knocked one Skywarp's pieces over.

Skywarp set it back up. "But mine got repaired, and they got an upgrade to make them more powerful than ever. Now I can kill your guys with one shot."

Thundercracker shook his head ruefully. "You're enjoying this way too much, 'Warp."

"I'm just keeping him occupied," Skywarp protested.

"But now all my soldiers got upgraded too, and they got fusion cannons," said Starscream. "All your guys are going to be dead. Zap, zap!" Starscream smashed the triad pieces across the floor. "There, now all your soldiers got killed and I won!"

"But they were only faking it to lure yours into a trap," Skywarp shot back. He lurched his pieces back to life. "Now they're ambushing your army while it's vulnerable. Ptew ptew! Your guys are dying all over the place. And one of my spies stole all your tech, so now my army can turn invisible too. They also have better fusion cannons. And they can fly better too."

"That didn't happen!" Starscream yelled. "They were all dead!"

"No they weren't. I won," Skywarp said proudly.

Thundercracker warned, "You're gonna get socked again. And let's keep it down Starscream, okay?"

"You lost! You're a cheater!" Starscream snarled.

Skywarp just laughed. "Fine, fine, Screamer—you won."

"I won! Admit it!"

"Yeah, yeah. You won. Totally."

"Let's play again," Starscream hissed. "This time there will be new rules."

"Oh, goody."

They collected their respective pieces and set them back up again.

"From now on, you can't play dead, and you can't shoot at my guys when they're invisible," Starscream said. "Also, you can't have upgrades because you don't have enough energy. But I can have all the energy I want, so all my soldiers have _every_ power and can do _anything_. And yours can't."

"That's sounds fair to me," Skywarp said.

"Let's go." Starscream lifted his wing pieces into the air and bombarded Skywarp's army. Skywarp knocked over his pieces.

"Ungh, ungh! We're dying. Aaargh... We're all dead." Skywarp shrugged. "Looks like you won."

"You're supposed to fight," Starscream said. "You're not trying."

"I was trying. It was just that my weak, pathetic forces were no match for your awesome superiority."

"No, you have to _really_ try," Starscream insisted. "Then I'll beat you. Let's go again."

"This game is demoralizing," Skywarp muttered.

Thundercracker leaned forward. "Instead of fighting against each other, maybe you and Skywarp should be allies and fight the Autobots together."

"Yeah, let's make a treaty of friendship," Skywarp said, holding out a hand of friendship. "We'll join together and kick Autobot skidplate."

"I won though, not you," Starscream insisted.

"Yeah, sure, you won," Skywarp said, grinning.

"So you admit it. I won."

"Right. Of course."

Grudgingly Starscream gathered the pieces together into a single group. "I get to be Supreme Commander."

"What about Megatron?" Skywarp asked.

"There was a great battle, and he died. Then I took over."

Thundercracker winced. "I seriously hope you don't think these things in real life."

Starscream did not reply, but there was a certain glow of satisfaction in his face as he arranged the pieces in battle order.

"So what rank am I then?" Skywarp asked.

"You're second in command, but you can only do things if I say so first."

"Hey TC, are you gonna play?" Skywarp asked.

Thundercracker waved a hand. "No thanks. You two have fun."

"I think TC should play. He could be third in command," Skywarp said, looking at Starscream.

"No. He's no fun," Starscream said. Skywarp broke into snickers.

Thundercracker crouched down. "How about if I be the referee? I'll make sure you both play nice."

"See, I _said_ he wasn't fun," Starscream said, glowering at him.

"I think it would make the game better if we divided the army up evenly between you and 'Warp," Thundercracker suggested. He reached for Starscream's pile of pieces.

"No!" Starscream yelled, pulling them close. "They're mine!"

"You heard the referee," Skywarp said. "Gimme my share!" He stretched out his hand towards the pieces.

"NO!" Starscream clutched the pieces to his chest.

"Let's keep it down," Thundercracker said.

Skywarp tried to pry the pieces away, but Starscream leapt to his feet and ran. The black Seeker lunged after him. With a flying tackle the Skywarp brought Starscream down. The pieces scattered across the floor. Both Seekers scrabbled to snatch them up.

_Guys, cut it out,_ Thundercracker pleaded over the comm. The whole room was staring at them.

"Haha, I'm getting them all!" Skywarp taunted.

"They're mine! Let go of them!" Starscream shrieked. He launched himself at Skywarp and punched him in the jaw. Kicking, hitting and cursing, the two Seekers rolled across the floor.

Thundercracker felt someone tap the back of his wing. He twisted around and looked up into optics of a medic.

"We're ready for him now."

Thundercracker looked at the still-lengthy line. "But what about everyone else?"

The medic gave a tight smile. "It's alright with them if you go ahead."

"Thank you," Thundercracker muttered. Looking neither to the left nor the right, he walked over to the raging pair of Seekers. "Cut it out you two! _Now!_"

"He stole my pieces!" Starscream howled.

"Give 'em up, Warp," Thundercracker snapped. "And I mean now."

"But—"

"Do. It."

Grudgingly Skywarp handed the pieces over. Starscream snatched them and held them jealously close.

"Come on," Thundercracker growled. "They're ready for him."

"But the line," Skywarp pointed out.

"They made an exception," Thundercracker said.

"Oh good," Skywarp said, standing up and dusting himself off. "I was getting bored of waiting."

"When are we going to chase missiles?" Starscream demanded.

"Right now. Walk," Thundercracker said.

Starscream turned to look at Skywarp. "_I_ won. And _you_ lost."

"Did not," Skywarp said.

But Starscream was already running towards the medical center door. Thundercracker hurried after him. He arrived just in time to hear the medic say,

"—a missile chasing place? No, this is a treatment center."

"We're not going to chase missiles?" Starscream cried. "Skywarp, you liar! I'm leaving!"

There was the discharge of a medical null ray.

A wave of pure warmth spread through Thundercracker's soul. He sat down on the waiting room bench.

"It creeps me out when you smile like that," Skywarp said.

"Oh, you have no idea," Thundercracker said. "Absolutely no idea."

"TC?"

"Yeah?"

"I hope you never get a null ray."

Thundercracker gave a dark smile.


End file.
